Boundaries - JUN 22, 2020 (Patreon Archive)
Boundaries are things I've been defining and re-defining for myself every so often, especially when I'm being vocal about anti-racism or racism in the fiber community, and sometimes the world at large.
How to define these boundaries? I'm going to be honest: I don't need to be on Instagram. Is it nice to share my projects and designs? Yes. Is it a place to resonate and connect with people? Yes. Is it a place to amplify and share stories and information? Yes. All of that, and, my life doesn't need to be all about it at the same time. I define my boundaries by my mental capacity. Instagram does not at all reflect everything that goes on in our personal lives. We don't all have to share what shit we're dealing with that day nor should we. Our page is whatever we what to create with it. I truly think part of self-care is setting those boundaries and honoring them.
***Let me just say before anyone takes that too far, that having boundaries does not mean ignoring accountability. Too often people use mental health as an excuse to not deal with shit. Let me make it really clear, everyone has baggage, burdens, triggers, etc. that can effect our mental health. White people love weaponizing mental health like it's a shield against the real world. BIPOC have mental health issues just like everyone else, on top of racial trauma, gaslighting, decolonizing the whiteness from our psyches to find our worth again, and much more. We have to acknowledge that something we all might struggle with is not an excuse to not do something when we hurt people. Again, you don't step on someone's foot and expect them to say sorry to YOU for hurting them.
So what does boundaries look like for me? I've realized how much I am NOT present when I am on my phone. Screen time and phones with internet are really a nightmare for in-person interactions and being in the moment with whatever is in front of you that's not a phone. So just a couple of things I've instituted:
For the past 4 weeks, I've set up screen time limits. I have an iPhone so that's what it's called but not sure if or what it is on Androids (hope there is something similar!). I have set it from 10 PM to whatever time I wake up, I receive no notifications other than phone calls or text messages in case it is an emergency. My phone is no longer buzzing or vibrating from Instagram notifications or emails I really don't need to attend to until I'm awake.
I've set a limit to social media time on my phone. I currently have it set at 3 hrs/day and for the past few weeks, I've been under.
When we say respect other's spaces, do not insert yourself, listen and read before needing or wanting to post a comment or DM a person, those are all boundaries to honor for ourselves and others. It really shouldn't even have to be said but I always revisit this because PEOPLE STILL DON'T LISTEN. For some reason, the internet doesn't understand boundaries and it's really a major problem about humanity as a whole at this point. It's like professors, they have office hours. Students can't just barge in anytime they want to to ask a question or complain about something. Or your boss's office, you have something to talk to them about, you don't just walk in anytime you please. you might need to make an appointment or see if they are available. It's really just courtesy, professional courtesy or just human courtesy. The internet age has really done a number on us, in good and very bad ways but I won't get into that.
In order to not burn out, to keep doing the hard work of anti-racism, dismantling white supremacy systems, we really need our energy placed where they need to be to be sustainable as a human being. That will always look different for each person and everyone's own set of boundaries should be honored.